my life seems to be a constants struggle of ups and downs. recently diagnosed with schizoaffective i have one piece of the puzzle but a name while can give meaning, does not cure.
im dying and i know it.
my soul is dying from the crash after crash from heavens heights. the stabs from so called humanity. the personal let downs and family squabbles
my body is dying from the medications and side effects. the physical health problems that rob my of any joy i do have the chance to feel. the medications i need to keep my head level.
on meds my body suffers. off meds my mind suffers. i have no quality of life anymore. the periods of joy dotted throughout my life are becoming lesser and lesser.
i write this quietly to myself knowing no one will read it. knowing very soon its all going to be over. im saddened only by the promise i couldnt keep to my fids. you wouldnt understand unless you knew me.
tonight though i sleep. probably one of the most restful sleeps imll have had in over a year. tomorrow i decoded my course of action and tie my loose ends.... im so tired
