Sunday, 12 January 2014

swamps of sadness

                                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7KBIMFlRRY


The Neverending Story was probably one of my most favorite movies growing up.

Though one scene, in which Atreyu's horse, Artax, gives up and sinks into the swamps of sadness  still makes me teary eyed.



In the end though, Atreyu triumphed, peace, calm, happiness and a sense of whole was returned.  He even got his horse back.

he didnt give up.  he fought even at times when it seemed there was no point to.  
and things got better.   but only because he kept trying.


Likewise, even though im mired down in the swamp, sinking....    convinced i will never emerge, i have to hold on to hope.  

hope that my luck will swoop down and pluck me from despair.

and i will ride triumphant across the plains of  light, into the next happy chapter of my life.





voices

It can be so overwhelming when the things you are supposed to focus on are so small and faint





compared to everything else.    



every thought is a battle,
every breath is a war
and i dont think
im winning anymore


must. keep. trying


Friday, 3 January 2014

burden

this rut gets deeper
and youre spinning your wheels.
got no motivation and
missing out on  "feels".

the devil has stolen your smile
and replaced it with cast iron fears
you cry a stream of endless,
non existent tears

blank, black frozen, cold,
still and soulless eyes
pleads and bargains
but never ever cries

they say,  "youre gone
already, your soul is dead.
Put a bullet in your
fucking head".

"worthless, useless,
shit and scum!"
more silent and still
you become

overwhelming, dark
despair.  Gasping
choking, pulling hair

shrinking, starting to wilt
drowning in thick black guilt

BURDEN

die.