Alice and the mad hatter

Tonight is not a good night.  

descending into madness.

demons

fear.

 on edge.  like horses just before a quake. residual instinct of foreboding doom.

jaws clenched, body stiff.

mind swirling.  

madness.

on but it cannot be so!

torn between being the great goddess to save the world and self loathing.  on odd mix that is leaving me agitated, depressed, and restless.

no desire to eat.  food has no taste.  everything is grey.   mind is bursting with color.  dancing, twisting, fireworks.  

downpour of tears that just will not flow.

"youre sick, youre paranoid, this is the worst youve ever been"

no.  i dont fucking trust you.

demons.  monsters, death, decay, crawling, creeping, twisting, writhing, its all in your mind?

NO

racing, faster and faster.  you go to talk but the words zip around with butter.  you cannot grasp them.  they fail you.

twirling, swirling, round and round, leaves in the wind,  stormy day, heart racing, pulse pounding, sitting still, eyes fixed, unaware until

hand on your shoulder, wet, heavy, smell the breath.  dead mans boots down the hall, shoe chains rattle, stomp stomp stomp.  closer.   

closer.

goosebumps

chills

dont dare to breath.

dont make a sound.

skin crawling.  clawing, scratching, digging, thrashing, pleading, praying

aching head, tired eyes, go to bed, you couldnt if you tried.

.  dog is gone.  you failed, birds are life what if they are next?    

paralyzing, crippling, dying, shriveling, forgetting, confusion

time, back and forth, memories mean nothing.  

make it stop.

go away.

silence, stillness, calm, peace, ease.

let alice come home.