I get really down when i cant do the things i want to. typing is aobut the extent of it right now. and so sometimes i go off on a tangent about how miserable life is. thats a very dangerous spiral one that can suck you down into a vortex of self loathing, despair, and ultimately, suicide.
Probably the worst thing for me is this debilitating depression mixed with the almighty holiness. my body might not be working, but inside my brain is an expansive knowledge about the heavens and how im here to save the world. i could probably do it too if i could figure out how to put socks on my feet.
so days like today, (or months in my case) are good times to pull out your gratitude journal that youve been adding to over the course of its start.
what is this? its simple. anything you can think of that youre thankful for, or that you think is amazing about yourself, you write it down. even if at the beginning you cant think of anything, ask others to help you out. sometimes others can see more than you can.
In times of despair you can look back on this. its something you can hold. they are written words which are harder to dispute than skewed thoughts.
i rarely think like that anymore. i know im pretty awesome, even when im not feeling well. i wouldnt change anything in my life, aside from maybe having some peace from this "illness" that robs me of my life. but even still... as much as that gets in my way, all these experiences, good bad or otherwise have made me into the awesome person i am. without my past, i may not be this awesome person.
And i will save the world. one sock at a time
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